Someone asked me today, “isn’t it awkward for you to be here?”
Not knowing what to answer, I just smile and tried to think deeper, “is it awkward?!”
I couldn’t really find the answer to the question…cuz honestly I am not sure how I felt. I should feel awkward but I feel nothing instead. I acknowledge the existence but that is all it.
Not so long ago someone asked me how can I be so cool about it cuz if it were her in my shoes, she would be crazy nervous and cool is the least thing to describe her at that moment in time.
I can still remember what I told her…I told her when you’ve reached one point in your life; you can no longer feel the extreme emotional rush that you used to get when you were a lot younger. You can no longer feel extreme sadness or extreme joy….your feeling is basically calm.
When you are happy, you smile…
When you are sad, you didn’t smile but you didn’t cry either.
There are no words to describe this but I believe others out there are experiencing the same.
To be honest, there are times when I miss the extreme emotional rush…let it be joy or pain…cuz you just want to feel something extreme…but come to think of it, I prefer myself to be this way.